RIP John Paul, 4/5/43-4/29/21

April 29th, 2021 I said goodbye to my dear husband of 45 years, love of my life and soul mate.  His poor heart just could not take anymore.  My heart is broken, but I know he did the best he could to hang on. 

He started having problems April 1st and was hospitalized till the 12th with urinary tract infection, blood infection, hypertension, and just did not seem to be getting better.  Drs. told me he would steadily get worse, so I requested he come home on Hospice.  We found out when he was admitted to hospice he had cor pulmonale, which is right sided heart failure due to complications of high blood pressure in the pulmonary arteries.  He was never diagnosed with this before, mainly because he only went to doctors if he was totally out of it, fell, or had a UTI.   We thought all the coughing he had been doing the last several years was due to asthma.  

This past week he seemed to be getting steadily worse, stopped eating or drinking on Monday.  Hospice put him on continuous care last Friday night, which meant in actuality that we had help for 8-16 hours a day, but were responsible for the night shift as they were stretched thin on staff.

John's brother would stay with him till midnight and I would get up at midnight and cover till morning.  He stopped being able to speak about this time, would sometimes open his eyes if spoken to.  

Around Tuesday this week, he started having trouble clearing secretions in his throat, and would make a horrible noise trying to do so.  They gave him meds to try to dissolve these.  He had a Fentanyl patch for pain, with liquid pain killers for break through pain.  He started having trouble swallowing these.

Tuesday and Wednesday nights were horrible with him crying out in pain, and trying to clear his secretions.   

Thursday morning Hospice nurse came and put a second Fentanyl patch on, and said they were going to line up more continuous care.  He was nonverbal and continued to cry out in pain, keeping his eyes mostly closed.  

At around 4 pm we finally got a nurse in, and she took some vital signs, and some other things, and pulled out a sheet of paper saying he was showing signs of end of life.  We found out we would not have a nurse again for overnight, so I went to bed at 7 pm to get up at midnight, and then Roger would take over.

About 15 minutes later, Roger came to get me up saying I needed to come out it would be anytime.  Our daughters, Katie and Kristen were here, along with two of our grandsons, Jaeger and Keaton.  We all gathered around him and told him we loved him and giave him hugs.  I stood by and held his hand.   Meanwhile my daughters pulled up a playlist of songs John liked or used to play for me and we played them.  It was so nice listening to tunes as he slowly faded away, I felt sure he was listening.

 Tears in Heaven by Eric Clapton

Amazing Grace by Pentatonix

Hallelujah by Pentatonix

How Great Thou Art by Pentatonix and Jennifer Hudson

Don't Think Twice by Bob Dylan  (John played and sang this)

Polly Von by Peter, Paul and Mary (John played and sang this)  

Take Me Home Country Roads (John played and sang this)

Morningside by Neil Diamond (John played and sang this)

Carry You by Ruelle featuring Fleurie

Rocky Road by Peter, Paul and Mary (John played and sang this)

Sea of Love by Cat Power

Sailing by Christopher Cross

While my Guitar Gently Weeps by Paul McCartney

Somewhere over the Rainbow by Israel Kamakawiwo'ole

Play Me by Neil Diamond (John played and sang this)

House of the Rising Son (John played and sang this)

Juliet by Neil Diamond (John played and sang this)

My husband was an amazing and loving man, and wonderful father.   He was a clinical laboratory scientist (he ran the lab tests).  He designed and built most of our furniture.  He built 6 sailboats and 1 houseboat.  We used to sail a 2 -masted 27 sailboat on our local lake and around the state.  He played the guitar and loved to watch movies.  

When they started playing Sailing that night it brought tears to my eyes as it reminded me of our sailing around in San Diego and Northern California.  In 1975 we sailed from San Diego to Catalina  and back.  

When we got to Juliet, was when he passed a little before 9 p.m.  This was a song he used to sing to me, as it reminded him of me.  These are the lyrics:

Juliet I've been waitin',

For so long for you to come back

How I, I've been needin' you, Juliet.

Wrapped up all in day dreams,

But daydreams won't fill the night time.

And I'm so glad I found Juliet.

Nananananana...

Turn your eyes on me, girl

Wanderin' round inside a grown man

No more than a small boy, sweet Juliet

'Bout to give up tryin'

And there you stood

Without your shoes on

You've gone and loved me, sweet Juliet

Nananananana...

These are some of our favorite photos.  John over the years generally shied away from photos, and so more recent ones are few and far between, and he didn't usually smile.  

Thanks for stopping by!