Saturday, May 01, 2021

RIP John Paul, 4/5/43-4/29/21

April 29th, 2021 I said goodbye to my dear husband of 45 years, love of my life and soul mate.  His poor heart just could not take anymore.  My heart is broken, but I know he did the best he could to hang on. 

He started having problems April 1st and was hospitalized till the 12th with urinary tract infection, blood infection, hypertension, and just did not seem to be getting better.  Drs. told me he would steadily get worse, so I requested he come home on Hospice.  We found out when he was admitted to hospice he had cor pulmonale, which is right sided heart failure due to complications of high blood pressure in the pulmonary arteries.  He was never diagnosed with this before, mainly because he only went to doctors if he was totally out of it, fell, or had a UTI.   We thought all the coughing he had been doing the last several years was due to asthma.  

This past week he seemed to be getting steadily worse, stopped eating or drinking on Monday.  Hospice put him on continuous care last Friday night, which meant in actuality that we had help for 8-16 hours a day, but were responsible for the night shift as they were stretched thin on staff.

John's brother would stay with him till midnight and I would get up at midnight and cover till morning.  He stopped being able to speak about this time, would sometimes open his eyes if spoken to.  

Around Tuesday this week, he started having trouble clearing secretions in his throat, and would make a horrible noise trying to do so.  They gave him meds to try to dissolve these.  He had a Fentanyl patch for pain, with liquid pain killers for break through pain.  He started having trouble swallowing these.

Tuesday and Wednesday nights were horrible with him crying out in pain, and trying to clear his secretions.   

Thursday morning Hospice nurse came and put a second Fentanyl patch on, and said they were going to line up more continuous care.  He was nonverbal and continued to cry out in pain, keeping his eyes mostly closed.  

At around 4 pm we finally got a nurse in, and she took some vital signs, and some other things, and pulled out a sheet of paper saying he was showing signs of end of life.  We found out we would not have a nurse again for overnight, so I went to bed at 7 pm to get up at midnight, and then Roger would take over.

About 15 minutes later, Roger came to get me up saying I needed to come out it would be anytime.  Our daughters, Katie and Kristen were here, along with two of our grandsons, Jaeger and Keaton.  We all gathered around him and told him we loved him and giave him hugs.  I stood by and held his hand.   Meanwhile my daughters pulled up a playlist of songs John liked or used to play for me and we played them.  It was so nice listening to tunes as he slowly faded away, I felt sure he was listening.

 Tears in Heaven by Eric Clapton

Amazing Grace by Pentatonix

Hallelujah by Pentatonix

How Great Thou Art by Pentatonix and Jennifer Hudson

Don't Think Twice by Bob Dylan  (John played and sang this)

Polly Von by Peter, Paul and Mary (John played and sang this)  

Take Me Home Country Roads (John played and sang this)

Morningside by Neil Diamond (John played and sang this)

Carry You by Ruelle featuring Fleurie

Rocky Road by Peter, Paul and Mary (John played and sang this)

Sea of Love by Cat Power

Sailing by Christopher Cross

While my Guitar Gently Weeps by Paul McCartney

Somewhere over the Rainbow by Israel Kamakawiwo'ole

Play Me by Neil Diamond (John played and sang this)

House of the Rising Son (John played and sang this)

Juliet by Neil Diamond (John played and sang this)

My husband was an amazing and loving man, and wonderful father.   He was a clinical laboratory scientist (he ran the lab tests).  He designed and built most of our furniture.  He built 6 sailboats and 1 houseboat.  We used to sail a 2 -masted 27 sailboat on our local lake and around the state.  He played the guitar and loved to watch movies.  

When they started playing Sailing that night it brought tears to my eyes as it reminded me of our sailing around in San Diego and Northern California.  In 1975 we sailed from San Diego to Catalina  and back.  

When we got to Juliet, was when he passed a little before 9 p.m.  This was a song he used to sing to me, as it reminded him of me.  These are the lyrics:

Juliet I've been waitin',
For so long for you to come back
How I, I've been needin' you, Juliet.
Wrapped up all in day dreams,
But daydreams won't fill the night time.
And I'm so glad I found Juliet.
Turn your eyes on me, girl
Wanderin' round inside a grown man
No more than a small boy, sweet Juliet

'Bout to give up tryin'
And there you stood
Without your shoes on
You've gone and loved me, sweet Juliet

These are some of our favorite photos.  John over the years generally shied away from photos, and so more recent ones are few and far between, and he didn't usually smile.  

Thanks for stopping by!


Chris said...

My heart is broken for your loss. May God comfort you in this time.

Ivani said...

I'm so sorry for your loss, Karrin.
Sending prayers your way.

CathieJ said...

I am so very, very sorry for your loss Karin. I will say a prayer for you and your family.

LIttle Penguin Quilts said...

Karrin, I'm so sorry to hear about John. You wrote a lovely post about him. I'm glad you've had so much family with you while going through this time. I really love the picture of the two of you with his guitar. Sending you lots of love!

Cathy said...

I am so sorry for your loss. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. Sending hugs.

Sarah said...

I'm so sorry to hear your sad news Karrin but lovely the family could gather round him at the end.

linda said...

I was so very sorry to hear of your loss Karrin, it's lovely that all the family were with him at the end and played his favourite music. You have written such a beautiful tribute to him, he'll always be watching over you I'm sure. Sending hugs and my deepest condolences. Xx

Deb A said...

I am so sorry to hear of John's passing but I am so thankful that you and family where there with him and I know he felt your presence and heard those beautiful songs being played. Sending you big hugs.

Dana Machado said...

I’m so sorry for your loss. That he was surrounded by his wife and family, with music he loved playing, us both lovely and heartbreaking. Hugs to you.

Suzanne Ordaz said...

So sad to hear that he passed but it brings me joy, as well as tears, to think of you all surrounding him along with his favorite songs playing as he left this world. Sending you lots of love and hugs! 😘

Cathy said...

My heart goes out to you and your family on the passing of John. It sounds like you two were each other’s one true love. To have his favorite music there for his last moments was such a beautiful gesture, and a comfort. Dear Karrin, take care of yourself now. xo

Lori said...

What an honor for you to be able to surround him with family during his last days and last breaths. Even though he was non verbal I'm sure he felt his family's presence. Many hugs and prayers to you during this time.

Kat said...

I'm so sorry for your loss, your tribute is wonderful.

Carol S. said...

Oh sweet, Karrin, such a loving tribute to your husband. I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm glad you had family to surround him with love during his final days. xo

O'Quilts said...

My heart is with you Karrin. I have walked this lonely and difficult path. As you walk through the fire to the other side, know that out here, there are fellow travelers who understand. Your tribute was just perfect xoxo Diane

Darcey said...

What a beautiful tribute, beautiful memories & pictures. My thoughts & prayers are with you & the whole family. ❤️

Kim said...

A beautiful tribute to your beloved John, Karrin. He sounds as if he was the most wonderful of men, fathers and husbands. All the beautiful memories that you hold close to your heart will be a comfort to you in this most difficult of times. Take care, dear Karrin.

Shasta Matova said...

I am so sorry for your loss. It is nice that the whole family could be together to be with him in his final hour. This is a beautiful tribute, and I am glad he is out of pain now.

Susan said...

What beautiful photos of John, especially the one of the two of you where you're wearing the blue shirt. I know there are many good memories you made together. They can't take John's place, but they will hold it until you are together again.

Karen said...

What a wonderful tribute to a man who sounds like he really deserved one! May your memories and family bring you peace.

Karen and Bill Waggoner
Our Quilting Beehive

Jody Jones said...

What a wonderful man, father and husband Karrin. Hug your many memories close to your heart in the days ahead.

Nancy said...

What a wonderful life you and John had, Karrin. So many rich memories to help hold him close now that he's gone. I sorry for your loss. I know your days were filled with caring for him. I hope your memories will help fill the emptiness. Blessings to you and your family.

Nancy J said...

Hi Karrin, I am not sure why your blog isn't on my following list. A wonderful tribute, a harrowing last week, and the song list, I know almost every one, and with family there, surrounded with love and soft music, what better way to finish his wonderful life with you all. Your words must have been so difficult to write, and I send, so late, a heap of love and car from down here. p.s. will definitely have you on my blog list now.XXXXX

Jocelyn is Canadian Needle Nana said...

I read this post with tears in my eyes, Karrin. What an experience and how lucky John was to have such a loving family surrounding him in his final weeks and hours. This post will stand as a testimony to the wonderful man John was and the legacy of beautiful memories of a life well spent.